Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
