Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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