there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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