time to smoke my breakfast
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
