What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
