we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
