I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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