when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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