This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
