he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
