So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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