She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
