between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
