So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize