I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
