i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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