i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
