I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
