guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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