can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
