So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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