I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
