Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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