Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
