So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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