My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
