The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
