Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
