Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
