Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
