He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
