white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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