So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
