I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize