My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
