so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
