you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
