Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
