Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize