there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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