just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
