turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
