drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
