As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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