if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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