I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
