I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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