apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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