so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
birth control should be required to get into college
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
