Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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