I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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