I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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