I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
