Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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