you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
