I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
