I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
