My sheets look like a crime scene.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
