well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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