He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
