Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize