doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
