if i can run in heels then i can drive
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
