we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
