So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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