Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
