I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
