I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
