Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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